I've been doing a little recording since I've graduated, and I haven't seen much product from it as of yet-- but there's still much work to be done. I have a lot of respect for recording artists. I'm trying to create some "good" recordings to have to maybe sell or hand out to people...
I get to see Christy in less than three days, and I'm really excited! It hasn't been that long since school got out, but she's someone I never want to be far from for very long.
Skateboarding is going well, I've been fine tuning the tricks I know and essaying to learn new ones. It's fun when you get on your board and it just feels natural--you land all your flip tricks and grinds, you don't have to force anything. Then other days it's like someone snuck into your room in the middle of the night and stole your mojo via syringe.
Writing music can be very laborious. It makes me sigh heavily, at times. I'm getting better at remembering why I write music when I get really frustrated; that is, to worship God with my music. It's funny, when I first started writing "praise" music it really sucked... bad. But my heart was in the right place. It's sad when I forget that God is my muse. I believe there's a harbor between the seas of worship and hard work, and I want to dock there.
I'm not into the whole "image" thing that it seems some recording artists are into. I'm not really trying to sell albums, but I also know that my desired demographic (Christian scientists/science students) would be hard to go platinum with considering their numbers. I've been told that some of my worship lyrics are "weird." I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with, however, is the attitude of some Christians when they come into a worship setting. And it's sad really, I don't mean to come off as upset, because I'm not, but I know we can all get more out of worship than we are currently. To some who think they are far in worship, that may offend; and to those who are just learning, maybe they understand it all too well. I don't understand worship, necessarily. What keeps me growing in my RELATIONSHIP with Jesus is that I forget it's a real relationship. He helps me remember and change how I'm acting towards Him. Sometimes I'd feel better, I think, if God just demanded select things from us on a certain schedule; but He's not like that. He wants it all, all the time. And He deserves it, to be honest. I don't know where the line is though.
Jesus told us to pray that God's will in Heaven would be done on earth.
Right now.
Yes, next week.
But right now.
Yes, tomorrow,
but right now.
All the time.
So what does that mean? Generally people use the "medicine" example: I'm not going to take Advil for my headache, I'll just pray and believe God will heal it. *I'm not bashing this* But what about eating? Will we eat in Heaven? Is there anyone whose faith leads them to turn down all food believing that God will nourish their body? I've talked to God a few times about where the line is? It's unclear, at least to me. At what point do we rely fully on God, and no one else. Many people would be out of jobs if this really happened. No doctors, no groceries, no clothing stores, nothing. We would get everything from God. And that's how it's going to be in Heaven. So why isn't it like that here if Christians have been praying for over two thousand years that that would be the case? I can't tell you. I do know that God works through people, and I do know that God is the only reason that I have multiple shirts, food everyday, and why I haven't gotten polio or measles. Sometimes we just have to dig deep to see His hand.
I don't want to have to pay for health insurance when I'm out on my own because I have full confidence that God is able and willing to heal me of any disease or ailment. But what about the Christian who works at that insurance company who's trusting God to provide their salary. I'm just saying I don't have it figured out and I'm definitely confused about most of it, but I want all of Heaven right now. He told us to pray for it, and I want it. I just don't see it right now and it makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong or if that is something not available to us. I do wonder if my mindset about these things is worldly. I don't want to pay health insurance because that's a little more money per month I could give, and I would give it. Why should I pay for something that God provides? Maybe He wants to provide it through other people?
I'll quit rambling now. This is tough for me to articulate at times.
No comments:
Post a Comment